Pants
by Chokopoppo
Summary: It's a rare night out for the boys. Only thing is, the only thing they can think to talk about is the girls!


**Steal it and I kill you. It's just fluff, anyway. Your mother would be ashamed if you stole fluff. Really, really ashamed. So think twice. Don't steal it. Read it, though, because you love me. Smile.**

It was one of the rare nights out. The girls had all left in the general direction of a club or karaoke or something like that about an hour ago, and Anna had (begrudgingly) allowed the boys a night out themselves.

"I mean, it's not that I MIND or anything…" Horo muttered as the others ordered their drinks. "I'll have a beer."

The waitress, a fairly pretty girl, with dark red boy hair, and a fairly small bust, cocked an eyebrow. "You're not old enough for that."

Horo glared in a way that said 'uh, stalker much?'. "How would you know…oh, wait. Is this one of those 'author inserts' I've been told so much about?" He glanced towards her nametag, where it said 'Hi! My Name Is not-Chokopoppo-where-did-you-get-that-preposterone-idea'. The waitress followed his gaze, and awkwardly covered the tag up with her skinny arm.

"Shut up. You're not old enough."

"Ugh. FINE. Then I'll just get a coke. Did you notice my subtle hint of depression? That was because I got caught. See, I am a master of…of…uh…"

Ren hit him over the head. "Shut up." He turned to the waitress. "I'll just have green tea."

The waitress blushed. "OK. Anything for you…"

There was an awkward moment of silence, in which Ren attempted to move as far as possible from the waitress, and also hide behind Horo, Lyserg, and Yoh. Simultaneously. Which didn't really work, seeing as they were all at different parts of the table.

"Right! OK. I'll have a water." Lyserg did his best to break the tension.

The waitress, just as eager to get over the moment, jumped to it. "Just a water?"

Lyserg nodded, surprisingly into it, considering he was asking for a glass of water. "Just a water."

Yoh smiled. "I'll just have orange soda."

Manta raised his hand so he could be seen. "Sprite for me."

Chocolove gave the waitress a thumbs up. "And I'll get a purple juice!" There was a silence. "Wait, nobody gets it? C'mon, guys. Ren got a green tea, Yoh got an orange soda, and I'm getting purple juice! All with an interval!"

"…"

"Dude, that joke just bombed."

"Even the waitress thinks it's dumb."

"No. No, I'm pretty sure she's attempting to rape Ren with her eyes, and is not actually paying attention."

"Hey! Waitress lady!"

When the 'Waitress Lady' had been pulled away from Ren, who was now hiding under the table, the rest of the group gave their drink choices. Ryu had actually gotten a beer, and Faust was having tomato juice. Just as the waitress turned to leave with the orders, there was a quick call.

"Hey! Hey, you forgot me!"

Everyone turned to stare at Hao(even Ren, who was still cowering in fear under the table), who had mystically and magically appeared at their table. He shrugged. "No, don't even ask. I don't know either." And everyone turned to the waitress, who shrugged.

"Guys, it's fluff. I don't need a reason."

Hao shrugged again. "'Kay then. Get me…uhm…" He casually flipped through the menu. "Just coffee. I need something to help me stay awake at this time of night. I'll be busy later, if you catch my drift." He winked, which caused the waitress to practically bubble.

"Expect decaf." She grumbled out of the side of her mouth, before turning on her heel and storming away for the rest of the story, probably. Hee.

There was a long silence, the one that came from Ren appearing slowly out from under the table. "Is she gone?"

"Yeah, she's gone."

"Oh, thank the Great Spirits." Ren appeared fully. "That was…scary. Beyond scary. I can handle scary. I couldn't handle that."

Horo patted him on the back. "It happens to the best of us, buddy."

There was another long pause.

"I wonder what the girls are doing." Yoh wondered out loud.

"I assume they're having fun." Faust added.

"Yeah, in those short, preppy little skirts."

"I like those skirts!"

"Ryu, you only like them because then you can see the girl's legs."

"And by the way, if I ever see you staring at my older sister again, I will pummel you. To death, or the closest alternative."

"But seriously, why do they always wear skirts?" Pondered Lyserg. "It seems strange, thinking back on it. I mean, our maiden Jeanne wears pajama pants when she's in the iron maiden, but when she's out on the street, she wears a dress."

"Yeah. And my little sister's always wearing a mini skirt, even though we live in Hokkaido."

"My older sister is into tradition, so she always wears that slit dress of hers…"

"And when our team was fighting the icemen, I remember that the girl on their team…Zria, I think it was, was certainly wearing a dress. Even though she lived in Russia…though, I may be wrong."

"No, Faust, I think you're right."

"And my follower Mari is always wearing that mini dress of hers…"

"You think that dress comes up short? You should see Anna's. Hey, Faust, doesn't Eliza show up in that nurse dress all the time?"

Faust nodded. "She used to wear dresses all the time."

Chocolove clapped his hands to his head. "Daah! Why can't women just wear pants now-a-days? Didn't they used to fight for the right?"

"Hang on, Chocolove. Tamao doesn't wear a skirt. She did when she was younger, but she doesn't now."

"And neither do Kanna and Matti," Hao piped up. "So there are a few."

"Yeah. A few." Ren sighed and shook his head. "Why don't they wear pants, anyway? Do they want to get raped? I mean, because of their short skirts, there's this other train only for women. So they wouldn't get groped."

Lyserg stared, bug-eyed, at Ren. "Really? We would never have something like that in London."

Yoh sighed. "Ren's right. We actually do have a separate train only for women, because of the number of complaints filed about grope."

A silence fell upon the group.

"Well…Hot damn."

"Yeah, I know."

"So do all women use that train now?"

"Not all, since some have boyfriends that look like they're made of beef."

"But most women."

"Yeah."

Another silence. The waitress returned to see everyone at the table stony-faced. Quietly, she put the drinks down and carried the plate away.

"So…Now what?"

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"Now, we drink."

"Kampai!"

**So…yeah. That was it. All of it. This was a spur of the moment project, and it was actually longer than I thought it would be. Which is amusing. As in, hurr hurr, let's talk about girls who don't wear pants. Because, seriously, what the hell? Isn't Shaman King just a little sexist? Think about it.**

**Not that I don't love it.**

**Just sayin'.**

**Anyway, do you love it? Hate it? Maybe even…read and review it? *****Winking and nudging action*******

**Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei. Dammit.**


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